Stop Using God as An Excuse for Hate

When we say "bigot" generally a certain image comes to mind. Often times a Bible thumping, fire and brimstone preaching, snake handling, overweight, red faced, middle aged, white dude in a cheap, ill fitting suit. Right? Yes, sometimes bigots look like that, and other times they look like this:









Let's start with defining bigot, shall we?

big·ot

noun \ˈbi-gət\: a person who strongly and unfairly dislikes other people, ideas, etc. : a bigoted person; especially : a person who hates or refuses to accept the members of a particular group (such as a racial or religious group)


Now, I'm sure you're all thinking I've done lost my ever loving mind. Of course liberals can't be bigoted, bigots are only religious right wingers, right? Nope. No, a bigot is ANYONE that strongly and unfairly dislikes others. Liberal, conservative, religious, atheist, it doesn't matter. And, yes, I'm calling Macklemore out on being bigoted. And disrespectful.

I was watching the GRAMMYs while reading, when Queen Latifah caught my attention. I looked up just in time for Macklemore to start singing "Same Love" I've seen the video once before, and noticed the clear angst towards religion, specifically Catholics. It bothered me, but I sort of just shrugged it off. Don't we all? We just say; "Oh, well, that's how the world is, nothing we can do to fix it." And move on with our lives. We're complacent while people blatantly attack our religion and make false, broad generalizations about us. We sit back and allow ourselves, and the God we claim to love to be mocked and ridiculed while we do nothing. I'm just as guilty as the next person.

As I watched him perform this song the other night, I didn't just shrug it off and chalk it up to our culture, I got angry. I watched him stand up on that stage and sing the words "When I was at church they taught me something else If you preach hate at the service those words aren't anointed That holy water that you soak in has been poisoned" and as he did so, he made the sign of the cross. That beautiful, powerful prayer was mocked, and no one cared. He wasn't doing it in reverence and love. He was being blasphemous, hateful, and bigoted. When I watched him do that, an image popped into my head from just earlier that morning.

On Sunday the sweetest old lady sat behind us at Mass, she was wearing a rosary with an Our Lady of Guadalupe medal. Some of you know this, and some of you don't, but we have a baby living here right now...okay, so she's more like a toddler((16 months)). Kid has a serious love of Jesus and Mary, pointing out their images whenever she sees them, sometimes yelling out "Jesus" in the middle of Mass, with arms raised up to the statue of Jesus. So, she spots this lady's rosary immediately, and literally dives over the pew to get to it, all the while saying "Mary Jesus Mama" I am mortified at her outburst. The woman reaches out and picks her up, cuddling her close, and encouraging her to say "Jesus" they were totally smitten. The baby pressing the medal to the woman's lips, the woman smiling broadly and kissing it, then the baby would hold the crucifix up to her new friend and she would kiss it. I was glad the woman wasn't offended at the diving baby. She just has a love all people that love Jesus. This is not our first rodeo with people wearing religious jewelry near her, thankfully people that wear religious jewelry tend to be pretty tolerant of little people . So, after Mass is over the woman starts talking to us, and we covered like ten topics, and then we started on my conversion, and her reversion. She was so excited! Me too!She looks at me, her eyes bright with happy tears and says, "The most powerful prayer we have is this" and with more reverence than I have ever seen in my life, she fixed her eyes on the crucifix just above the altar and made the sign of the cross, she bowed as she said "amen" and then she looked heavenward, and just above a whisper she added; "and thank You for the power in that simple prayer" It was the most simple, beautiful display of faith I think I've seen, ever. She was so sincere, you could literally feel it. It gave me chills watching this older woman, her faith oozing from her pores. It wasn't a show, it wasn't put on, it is part of her. Who she is. Her faith is so ingrained in her, she loves the Lord so much you can see Him shinning through her. Oh, to have faith like that.

That is how it should be prayed. Not on a stage to make a point. Not only did he use this important prayer to mock our religion, the entire stage was set up to resemble a cathedral, there was even a choir akin to a church choir. How do we think this is acceptable? The song is clearly a misguided attack on our religion. The author doesn't really get the teachings on marriage and why they are the way are. Though, that I'm not going to hold that against them. That, I hold against us. Christians don't do a very good job of explaining our issues with with same sex marriage. But, I'm not going to go into all that right now.

Right now I want to talk about the double standards in this country. If I was up on that stage and started singing about and mocking Muslims, you had best believe someone would have noticed and I would be all over the TV, radio and newspapers for being "bigoted" and hateful. So....what's the difference? I see two groups of people using the same shield of hate, from opposite sides. You have the religious bigots claiming Jesus as a reason to hate others, and the non-religious bigots doing the same thing. They are literally fighting the exact same battle, with the exact same weapons...but from opposite sides. It makes me dizzy just thinking about it.

Why is it not okay for me to mock Jews, gays, Muslims, or blacks, but it's perfectly acceptable for anyone that wants to, to mock me? I don't want to go around and start mocking these groups. I don't want to mock anyone, I love people. I believe all people are deserving of respect and love. Why do I believe that? Because I'm a Christian. Because I believe that we were all created by, and are loved by God. Who am I to reject someone that Christ loves? No one. Not my place. If you are loved by Jesus, you are loved by me.

Now, I want to get one thing straight; loving you, caring about you, being there for you, and praying for you is not the same as agreeing with and indulging every life choice you make. I don't agree with a lot of choices that people I love make, but that doesn't make me love them any less. I love them despite our disagreements.

I am not at all, in any way, shape, or form condoning same sex marriage. Don't go putting words in my mouth. However, that gives me no right to hate gay people. I simply cannot. They are people, and as people deserve my love and respect, period. Not my indulgence, but my respect. We tend to get those lines blurred in our culture. They aren't the same thing. My not supporting same sex marriage will not stop me from chowing down on some Chinese food with a dear friend that knows I don't agree with his lifestyle, and you know what? He still loves me too! Because we aren't five. We see past our differences, and see a person that we love, and care for. A person that has shared interests, and a shared love of dry humor and crab ragoons. We see people that we care about.

The red faced preacher and Macklemore have the same way of tackling this issue. With fear and hatred. They both want to be right, they both try to turn their followers against the other, they both use my God to cover up an unjustified hate, they are both scared that the other will prove them wrong, they both think they have to yell louder than the other, and they both think they've got it all figured out.

They're wrong. None of us do. It's not okay to bully gay kids. It's not okay to mock prayer. It's not okay to tell people they're going to hell because you say so. It's not okay to denounce all religion just because it cramps your style. It's not okay to use God as an excuse to hate anyone, ever. It's not okay to be bigoted.

It is okay to say that you disagree with someone. It is okay to love someone regardless of your views in life. It is okay to accept that people think differently than you. It is okay to stop hating and judging. It it okay to start trying to see the other side.

Both sides need to do a better job of understanding this issue. I see so many Christians that have no clue why they don't agree with it, they just do because the red faced preacher told them to. They take that and turn it into hate. I see so many liberals that have no idea why Christians disagree with same sex marriage. They once heard the red faced preacher quote Leviticus, and they took that as the only reason. They turned that into hate for what they don't know and don't understand.

Both sides are missing a huge piece of the puzzle. I can't begin to tell you the number of times I've heard someone start to whine about the Christian bigots and their hatred of gay people, and I've cut them off and asked them what they really know about what the Bible says and what we believe and why, and they have no clue. You want to know the crazy part? Majority of the time they go into the conversation wanting to punch me, and come out hugging me, and still not agreeing with me, but understanding that I'm not being hateful, bigoted, or intolerant. Believe it or not, they often come out understanding why Christians don't support same sex marriage. Why? Because instead of yelling and preaching at them, I took the time to love and respect them. I took the time to research and understand it, and I took the time to explain it to them, lovingly.

In closing, stop mocking my prayer, and my religion. Stop using God as an excuse for hate, no matter what side you're on. And, take the time to understand WHY we feel the way we do. Stop being bigoted, no matter what side you're on.

And hug someone. I am so sick of all this bashing and hate. Just go hug someone, we'll all feel better.

In Response to Attention Seeking Facebook Posts

We've all seen those pictures floating around Facebook, someone holding up a sign saying something along the lines of; "1,000,000,000 likes and my mom will get me a puppy!" or "250,000 likes and my sister names her kid Darth Vader!" You know what I'm talking about. Generally I just roll my eyes and continue along my merry way. Today I saw one that stopped me in tracks. It made me hurt and angry, and not at  the person holding the sign, but at our society and the way we view things.

My first thought was; "It's just someone's idea of a joke." True enough, that is likely exactly what is. But, it's not funny in the least. I'm not even sure where to begin on this one. So many problems here. 

Let's start with the broad idea of these types of posts. Notability. The only reason people ever post these types of things is to get noticed. Obviously. They want to get people talking, of course it works, here I am talking about them! I find that in itself really sad. The ridiculous lengths people will go to to get noticed. Are we that starved for attention? Or is it that we dish attention out in such hearty portions that we're always craving more? It's so strange, all of this viral sensation stuff. It's actually really easy to be noticed on social media these days. All you have to do is take a crazy photo, make an alarming video, or publicly shame your kids, and BAM! Fifteen seconds of fame on a silver platter.  Honestly, it's so ridiculously easy and "mainstream" to have a bit of fleeting social media notoriety that I don't even know why anyone bothers. That's just me...I recently realized I'm becoming a hermit, so I'm clearly not in the mood to become a viral sensation for a quarter of a minute...I'm too much of a hipster for all that nonsense. Anywho, back to my point, I find this type of pleading for attention really sad. I find it even sadder that it's not coming from a lack of attention given to us, but more of an over abundance. Anytime that lessens or isn't enough anymore we then have to seek it out on these huge national and global platforms. That's really depressing, and a huge reflection on our culture. Not only that we are so used to receiving gobs of attention that we have to take to such displays, but also that we don't have better things to devote our attention to. Things are so fleeting in our culture that people like this guy are a dime a dozen and there will be another along tomorrow. So, the little bit of notability he's gained from this will be replaced by something similar in the morning.

After our need for attention is the need for approval. "I need 50,000 people to like this to feel important and validated for my desire for_____" That's really what these are all saying, isn't it? So funny that in a culture of "to each their own" and "don't judge anyone for anything" we care so much about what others-complete and total strangers-think. The whole premise of these types of posts is rooted in the need for attention and approval. We're a self centered lot aren't we? 

Now that we've covered the generals, let's talk specifics shall we? As soon as I read the words "I'll give you a baby..." I cringed. GIVE. GIVE?!?!?!? You GIVE someone a CD, an ugly sweater, a fruit cake. A baby is a living, breathing human being not an object to be given on the whim of someone else. Again, this is not an attack on this guy, I'm just using this example because it encompasses so much of the problems in our society. We view people as objects so much it's no wonder that we can easily equate a child to a sweater. Oh, I get asked when I'm going to "give" my husband a child, and my mother a grandchild all the stinking time. The answer to that is never. No, I'm not saying I'm never going to get pregnant or adopt ((this is a Catholic infertility blog for crying out loud)) I'm saying that I'm never going to birth or adopt a child to appease someone else's desire for a new title. Because a child is not an object, but a little tiny human being belonging only to God and themselves it's not really my place to go giving them away like I did a basket of fudge the other day, now is it? No. I may one day birth/adopt a child that will change my husband's title to "dad" and mine to "mom" but I am never going to "give" him or myself, for that matter, a child. A person is not an object to be desired and given. A child is a person deserving of love, care and respect from the moment of conception to the moment of death. Sure, they may depend on me for a time, or perhaps for their entire lives, but that does not give me ownership over them, and that does not make them an object to be tossed aside with last year's iPhone. I have never in my life owned an iProduct, just sayin'

Secondly, the concept that having children is something we do just because it suits us. Here's where I'm going to be a selfish person. I bleeping hate it when I hear people say; "We decided if we were going to have kids, we better get it done, so we did." or "I'll have a baby when___" I decided I'd have a baby approximately nine months after my wedding. That worked out well, didn't it? For those of us that would give their left foot for a chance at parenthood these things are really hurtful and inconsiderate. How do you think the woman that has been desperately longing for a child for the last ten years feels when you casually talk about whether you'll "give" your spouse a baby or not? It breaks her heart to hear you casually discuss how much power you have to determine when, if and how you'll have children just like you're picking out which sweater you'll buy. No, we shouldn't center everything we do and say around how others feel, but in situations like this it certainly doesn't hurt to take into consideration that while you just get to wake up one morning and decide whether or not you'll become a parent other people are waking up in a pool of tears from another night of longing and want for something you casually toss aside.

How very loving, and giving this marriage must be. She has the uterus, so she determines when the babies come? Yes, feminists, I heard that. Clearly I don't feel that we have any right to control when/if another person is born, but I also think that if you are going to make any life decisions in a marriage you need to make them together. So, I suppose if your fertility is something you're controlling then yes, it should be an equal decision. It shouldn't be JUST a woman's decision because she has the uterus. Could you imagine the uproar if I had posted a picture of ME holding up a sign that said; "My husband said 'I'll give you a baby the day you get 50,000 likes on FB' (Then laughed) Please like and Share!"? People would be livid! They would go on and on about my oppressive husband trying to control me, and "how dare he think he holds that kind of power, just because he has the sperm!" Double standards! Love 'em! Maybe that's part of why the divorce rates are so high in our country, everyone thinks marriage is all about them. Two people being self centered in a relationship is a recipe for disaster. It also completely goes against the concept of Biblical marriage, but I'm sure that's blindingly clear to those of you that care.

Also, adding to abortion culture much? The concept that a baby is an object to be decided upon just adds to the idea that a baby is an object to be decided against. So, if the baby comes and you aren't ready to give it to your husband are you just going to dispose of it? After all, it's nothing more than an object, right? This type of thing perpetuates the idea that babies aren't really human and aren't really worth preserving because they only suit our needs and wants. If they aren't coming in a time to suit us then we can just kill them, because they weren't what and when we wanted. 

In short, the message I get from this is selfishness. In so many ways. It makes me really upset to think about how many people think this way. They may not all hold up signs to prove it, but our culture in general feels this way. We feel that everything and everyone are meant to serve us and our purposes, and we feel that fertility is something we can and should control. God is the only one that can "give" you a baby. He is the only one that should be in charge of determining when they come. And marriage is a partnership. 

Stop Publicly Shaming Your Kids For Attention

Stop publicly shaming your kids for screwing up. Just stop it. Stop making them wear shirts and carry signs detailing their crimes, stop making them hold up signs saying they were kids, and moreover, HUMAN, and made a mistake! Stop taking pictures of it and posting it all over the interwebs hoping someone will take notice and you'll get your fleeting, fifteen minute "awesome parent award". Stop making Youtube videos yelling at your kids for their screw ups, and hoping they'll go viral.

Knock it the heck off, and go parent your children, PRIVATELY! *gasp* WHAT?!?! I think you should mind your own business in parenting and stop seeking the world's approval and attention for bringing up your children.  I do.

Everytime I turn around these days I see headlines that read; "Mom makes daughter wear t-shirt saying..."  "Parents make son hold sign saying...." "Check out how this dad punished his daughter..." or a photo of a kid holding up a sign saying; "I had to take back all of my toys, because I'm ungrateful."

No offense, parents, but all I see when I read those is; "Parents seek attention, validation in their parenting, and notoriety by publicly shaming their child." I am so sick of it. It's constant. I am not linking to any of these articles, because I'm not giving these parents any more fame or link hits. Sorry, if you don't know what I'm talking about, you'll need to consult Google.

How do you think your kid is going to feel in ten years when they start dating someone and a quick Google search reveals that at the age of ten they were a much talked about internet sensation because they shoplifted, didn't say thank you, pushed a kid on the playground, fought with their siblings, back talked, were disrespectful, or one of 1900 million other things that are NORMAL for kids to do? I would be ticked if my mom had done that to me.

I wouldn't be able to trust her, I wouldn't want to come to her when I screwed up again for fear of public shaming and humiliation. I would seperate myself emotionally from her, and I would watch everything I said or did in her presence from that day forward. Our relationship would be severed.

This sort of public shaming, made so easy with the internet and social media, is very selfish. What good is it actually doing the child to have their face and their "crime" plastered all over the web? Maybe they'll "learn their lesson" and not do it again. But, maybe they'll get depressed and feel like crap, maybe they'll withdraw from you, maybe they'll start constantly seeking attention for other things, maybe they'll never talk to you again. Maybe you'll do more damage than good.

Let's face it, these punishments aren't for your kids, they're for you. They make you feel good and important, and popular, even if people are picking you apart, at least they're talking about you. Whether you realize it or not, when you do stuff like this you're only doing it for a reaction, and for attention for YOU. Is that the type of example you want to set for your kids? Do you want them to seek attention in outlandish, over the top ways? Do you want them do the right thing for fear of humiliation, or because you've led them by example to know right from wrong?

Oh, don't get me wrong, a little bit of shame now and again never hurt anybody. But, when you do this type of shaming you are essentially leading your child up on to the world's largest stage, where everybody has front row seats and stripping your kids down to nothing and baring all of their wrong doings for everyone to see, to criticize, and to judge. That's a far greater shame than the shame they feel when returning what they stole to the store and personally apologizing to the manager.

So, the next time your kid messes up, don't reach for your Sharpie and your camera, instead reach for some practical parenting.

If they....

• Shoplift- Talk to them about the effects of stealing for them, and the people they steal from, drive them to the store to return the item, and apologize to the manager. If it was from an individual have them offer their time volunteering odd jobs for the person. Have them ask the store owner or individual what they can do to help earn their forgiveness and trust. Maybe give them some extra chores around the house. But, don't make them carry a sign or wear a shirt. Just keep it between you and the people they wronged. 

• Don't say "Thank You" for a gift- Help them write a heartfelt thank you note. If they didn't say thank you because they didn't like the gift, help them to understand the meaning of the gift, and write a thank you for the thought and the gift. Don't take away their Christmas presents and make them hold up a sign. Just teach your kids how to be polite and respectful, teach them dying art form of thank you notes.

•  Pushed a kid on the playground- Teach them the art of apology letter writing. Talk to them about why we should never inflict pain on another human being. Drive them to the child's house to hand deliver the note, and have them verbally apologize, and ask the child if there is a chore that they need their help with. Don't make them stand on a street corner holding a sign. Just teach them how to be kind, and how to forgive, and how to ask forgiveness. 

Please, for the love of your children, stop publicly shaming them for attention. Start parenting them, for our future and theirs. 

How I went from dreading Mother's Day to Loving it, and the Power of Prayer.

Remember how whiney I was right before Mother's Day? If not, here ya go. So, obviously I was really dreading Mother's Day, I had predetermined it to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. God's way more awesome than that, and the power of prayer is just mind blowing. I was expecting a big spectacle of the day to be made by the priest and everyone I encountered, my family to be all gushy and what not. I didn't even realize fully what actually happened until I got home, and checked my e-mail.

I'll start at the beginning, I woke up and was decidedly in a poor mood. It was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I got dressed, whined around, and snapped at my husband once((that man has the patience of Job when it comes to me, I tell you,he deserves an award)) We made the two hour trek to Des Moines for church and then to have lunch with my family after. I slept most of the way up. I received a sweet text from my best friend letting me know she cared, it made me smile.

We got to the church almost late, and hurried in to sit next to my mom, niece, and step dad, in the process of everyone shifting around my poor niece took a tumble and conked her noggin on the kneeler, way to make a quiet entrance, Amanda! It was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Father gave a wonderful homily on patience and timing...just what I needed! Maybe it would only be a no good, very bad day, afterall.

After Mass we went downstairs for some donuts and orange juice, I was still in a rotten mood, a mood I had made for myself out of nothing. Nothing but past experience. I sat at the table and read my book, and did not eat. My grandma called to tell us she hadn't even started on her way yet, she lives almost as far as us, so I weighed my options: the next Mass starting in fifteen minutes, or hanging out with happy moms ((mine, and my sister)) for two hours with no food or public place to distract me....Mass again.

Monsignor also gave a wonderful homily, though I'm embarrassed to admit that I know I enjoyed it, I can't recall much of it. I do know that every homily I have ever heard from that man has left me in tears, that one was no exception. At the end of both Masses they did a little Mother's Day spiel and I was so pleased at how well they handled it both times, they included every possible type of mother and talked about all women being included. It brightened my day a little more, perhaps it would just be a bad day.

When I got back to my mom's ((Tom had gone home with them, and left me our car, though I could have walked, they live right across the street)) I didn't have to wait long until everyone was assembled and ready to go. My mom, sister and I rode together, while the rest of our party rode in my step-dad's truck. The trip there wasn't so bad, bless them, they avoided the topic of motherhood quite well. I only had to cringe once when Anna suggested Hooters for dinner, because Moms ate free. I had to remind her that aside from the whole objectifying women thing, I would be the only female over two years of age in our group that would have to pay, no, not doing it. Yes, definitely a very bad day.


We got to the restaurant and had a twenty minute wait. It was beautiful outside, so we took some pictures, and Tom reminded me that I wasn't the only one having a bad day, he lost his mother in 2009 and it was the first Mother's Day for both my grandma and step-dad without their mothers (they both passed away this year) I felt like a jerk then for being all self-centered and mopey, I not only had my mother, but my grandmother who helped raise me. Aren't they beautiful?

Not only did I have both of them, but I had these lovely ladies, too.

Maybe it would be an okay day afterall. 

We ate, and we laughed, and, Anna (my sister) and I played tic tac toe on the back of our placemats, and passed Amelia (the cute, little one) around and everyone got a snuggle, and my empty uterus didn't even ache when I held her. Our food came, and we talked and laughed, and ate, and by George, I was having a good time! Yup, totally a decent day!

It was a day of love, and celebration, and holding each other up. 

We all parted ways after we were back at my mom's. The ride home was pleasant, Tom and I chatted easily now, all my bitterness from the morning gone.

When we got home I sat down at the computer and checked my e-mail. I then cried. I cried and I cried, and I knew immediately why I had had a great day. I had e-mail after e-mail, some so simple, and some much longer. Some simply read; "praying for you" or "love you" and some were longer and touched me so deeply. So many people. So much love. For me. I was just so overwhelmed by the outpouring of support. Many people that don't even talk to me often taking the time to say that I was in their thoughts and prayers, and that they cared.

I wasn't forgotten, or empty, or alone. I was deeply loved, and cared about, and people remembered my pain. And I had a great day because so many people cared enough to think about me and pray for me. Your prayers held me up and re-shaped my day. Words can't even express how grateful I am to you people. I'm crying now just thinking about it!

In spite of all of the dread, whining, and pessimism, God had a plan, and your prayers had a place. Thank you to all of you that thought of me, or any infertile friend, it makes all the difference. When someone crosses your mind, pray for them, you never know the difference it will make. 

All of the ladies.

Four generations.

Free Your Breasts!

No, don't do that. Just listen to me for a minute here. My friend and I were out walking the other night and discussing modesty and how we've changed when she so sweetly reminded me of a time when I seriously wanted to live in a nudist colony. Yup, Miss Modest herself wanted to run around in the buff, with others doing the same. I was slightly unstable in high school. We've talked before about why I think it's important to cover up, you can find that here. "S" (my friend) asked me how I thought it was more freeing to be covered than to be uncovered. Wouldn't you feel more open with it all exposed?

I had thought so at the time, I had convinced myself that I wanted to run around naked because I loved my body, and thought I was awesome, etc. Not so. Truth be told, I hated myself in high school. That's why I'm so passionate about young women, and telling them how wonderful they are. I totally hated myself, my body, and everything about me, and no one reached out to me. No one told me, "it gets better" no one said, "you have more value than this" not a single woman reached out to me when I needed her to most. So, I've made it my personal mission to reach out to as many "Amandas" as possible. My goal is to be that woman that I so desperately needed, but never came.

Those of you that knew me then are probably like "What? No!" It's true, I tried desperately to portray confidence, security, and an attitude of not caring what people thought, but it was just a front. Inside I was miserable. Absolutely miserable. I just wanted so desperately to fit in that I would do anything to stand out. I was loud, obnoxious, wore crazy outfits, said crazy things, I was over the top. I just needed attention, and so I sought it out in the only foolproof ways I knew. I would be that person that you all knew in high school, and then I would go home and cry myself to sleep at night most nights. I was so unhappy with myself, but I didn't know how to change it, or what I needed. I even went through a bout of self mutilation-I stuck to my feet and legs, because that is something I didn't want attention for. I really, truly hated myself.

I hated myself so much, and wanted to be loved and given attention so desperately that I would do anything to prove that I loved myself, and to get some sort of attention, even if it was just by being objectified. That's how at fifteen I could say; "I want to be a nudist" and if I wouldn't have came to Christ, I probably would have, or something equally as bad. I thought that if I said often and loud enough that I was comfortable in who I was, if enough people heard it, that I would start to believe it. Nope. What I needed was God, and someone to tell me I was beautiful, and worth much more than the way I felt about myself.

Thankfully, I found Christ, and through Him realized where true inner beauty comes from, and how precious my body is, I didn't even realize that it was happening at the time, until I was there, healed and truly loving me.

Having lived this type of attitude and self loathing is why when I see young girls on Facebook taking pictures with their breasts hanging out, posting about sleeping around, and things like that, I cry, and I try to reach out to them. I just want to hug them, and tell them all the things I never heard. I see people like Femen and my heart breaks. All I see when I look at them is a lot of hate. Hate for everyone around them, and hate for themselves. They are so angry, and full of that same angst I had. I made this photo and posted it on the Christian Women Against FEMEN Facebook page:

Yes, I know, two letters hanging off the bottom, totally ruins it. My handwriting is atrocious! 

This morning S sent me a link to this article, I was so sad as I read it ((warning-bare breasts)) I was even sadder as I watched the "freeing" video clip at the end, they are selling this as a freeing thing, but it's not. It's more 15 year old Amandas, but in their thirties. I watched the video as these topless women stuck their chests out more, getting more attention, I watched as countless men gathered around to objectify them more, I watched in horror as people yelled "show me your titties" and men said "this is my kind of protest" How can you see that as freeing?

You are opening yourself up to being further objectified, isn't that what you claim to stand against, but yet you stand in the middle of the street topless, making yourself into an object to be stared at and lusted after. You mean more. You are worth more. Your breasts were created to sustain life! Not to show to the world. The only people that should ever get to see your beautiful breasts are your gynecologist, husband, and the children you're nursing. Maybe a lactation consultant, but you get the idea, they are yours! They are unique, and precious, they have a beautiful purpose, don't devalue them by showing them to all of NYC. 

I have a solution to this whole "why do men get to be bare chested?" argument, are you ready for this? It's absolutely mind-bogglingly profound....MAKE MEN WEAR SHIRTS, TOO! Whoa, I should go into politics with all of these brilliantly deep solutions of mine! No one should go topless, problem solved.

This whole idea that the less we're wearing the more comfortable we are and the more we love ourselves is a bunch of manure. I'm sorry you've been sold it. I'm not sorry I bought into it, though, and I did for a long while, I'm glad I did, because now I can see me, on the faces of women of all ages, and know why they're doing it, I know what they need to hear, and I can tell them that they are loved, and beautiful, and WORTH IT! It doesn't always make a difference, but I pray that it does, I pray that one day all those little seeds sown will make a difference.

Please stop trying to convince yourself that the more skin you show the more beautiful you are, the more people will like you, the more confidence you'll have, because none of that will make you love yourself more. Beauty, true beauty comes from within, from God, we are all beautiful because we're made in His image, and His image is a mystery, our bodies should be also. Free yourself from self hate, not your breasts. 

One of God's most wonderful works...YOU.

It looks like it's time for another modesty post. I seriously don't know why wanting to cover your body should be such a hotly debated topic, I mean, honestly, people. Babies are dying, and starving, and people are being murdered and abused and you want to yell about why my skirts are long, why I don't cut my hair often, why I wear three tops almost at all times, and why it matters. Fine. We'll talk about it, it IS important, it DOES need to be talked about, I just don't know why it ticks people off, I can think of about 5,000 things that tick me off , and modest people are not one of them. 

It all started when someone posted this picture with a comment about how horrible it is for people to want their daughters and wives to dress modestly. 

Toward the bottom of this post I talk about the churches/families that DO encourage this kind of dress for those reasons, and I state very clearly that I disagree with them. I also talk about taking it too far. So, there, don't even bring it up, I've covered it. Moving on. 

The picture here doesn't match the comment. I see two girls between the ages of 11-14, and a mom enjoying some time together. I don't see how it's "shapeless, sexless, adolescents" I think they all look appropriately dressed for their ages. Mom has a classic "mom sweater", and I would assume khakis on, it looks feminine, not sexless, and I can see her shape, without it being too baggy or too tight. Ditto on the girls, they look appropriately dressed to me, for their ages. Not too tight, not too loose, feminine, pretty, and yes *gasp* modest. 

To me this should say; "Modesty: You're doing it right" but, apparently I am a horrible, oppressive person that values people over clothing. I know, I know, worst role model EVER. You can stone me at the gates later. 

This idea that we dress this way to avoid rape is just ludicrous. Here you can read about my original shift in thought on this,  note that it has nothing to do with men. As I've continued in my modest journey, I have developed a deeper understanding of why I dress as I do. 

This started a debate with this person, they kept saying that the only reason "we" encourage modest dress is to teach young women to hate their bodies, and for fear of being raped, and that "we" think anyone dressed differently is a slut. Ummmm, no. 

"I dress this way because I love me. I love my body, it's unique, it's beautiful, it's special, and it's mine! When you have something special, precious, unique and sacred you take care of it, you love it, you cherish it. That's why I dress modestly, because I'm worth it. I don't dress frumpy or shapeless, I just cover what I have! I don't care if she's butt naked, no one has the right to force themselves upon a woman, EVER." 

That was part of one my replies (I have actually used that in two debates now) if you've read this letter, or this one you should know I don't hate women or want them to hate themselves. Duh. I just don't even understand how covering and cherishing yourself or your daughters could EVER be seen as hate. I feel like a goof for even having to post this. 

Anyone who rapes someone is at fault. PERIOD. Not the woman, not her skirt, not society, not drugs, not alcohol, not his mommy/daddy issues, HIM. Got it? I don't cover up for fear of abuse, I cover myself because I am awesome. My body is awesome. GOD MADE ME! Do you not get that? I am a work of art and only certain people (my husband) should be able to see the wonder that God made when He created me. 

YOU are a work of art too. God made you too! He loves you, He breathed life into YOU. YOU are a masterpiece of the First and Greatest Artist ever known. YOU are so spectacular and one of a kind that, yes, it should be "private viewings only" from the same person for the rest of your life. THAT is how precious your body is. 

Every roll, every dimple, every freckle, every stretch mark, every scar, every single inch of you is perfect, special and awesome. 

That, folks is why I dress modestly. I'm a narcissist. I know I'm worth it, because of who created me. I may not be the most attractive woman on the planet, but you know what? Don't tell my husband that, because he won't believe you. And YOU deserve someone who thinks that about you too, and you deserve to feel that way about yourself. 

This isn't hate, this is love. Love yourself, honor God with your adornments, thank God with your clothes for the awesome body He made you. Cover your body to remind your husband of his VIP access, his private showings to one of  God's most wonderful works...YOU.

Frumpy? Shapeless? Sexless? Oh well. 

UPDATE: A week of Amanda dressing modestly

My apology to young women.

Source

Sometimes I like to write random open letters to various people/objects/places for various reasons as Facebook statuses. I've shared a love letter to women with you before, I've recently written one to my favorite steak house, and least favorite dog owners, most of them are silly, and not really worth sharing, however, I am occasionally insightful, or so I think. I think this one I wrote the other evening is worth sharing. It's my apology to young women.

Dear Young Women of the World,

I wish we did better jobs of living out our lives in such a way that we could be a positive example for you. I wish we told you more often how awesome, and wonderful, and worth while you are. I wish we modeled self confidence, and self love better. I wish we showed you that you can be confident, without being arrogant. That you could be beautiful, without being immodest. That we showed you better that you can be strong, and independent without being cold and callous. That we told you more often that you have more value than your body. I wish we did a better job of showing you that you don't have to fit into any mold that Hollywood gives you to be the amazing, super awesome person you were created to be.

For all of this, I am deeply sorry. If I have ever been one of those women that ever showed you any such example, I am so, so sorry. I don't say it often enough. Your value is not in what other people think of you. Your value is not in who you sleep with. Your value is not in who you are dating. Your value is not in what you wear. Your Value is not in how you do your hair and make up. Your value is not in the number on the scale. Your value is not in who your friends are. Your value is in who YOU are, in your heart.

I see all of these women my age and older that are only happy if they have a boyfriend, dress in tight/short clothes, can't walk out the door without painting on the makeup, call themselves "fat" constantly, only wear certain clothes, believe that if they aren't sleeping with a man, they will lose him, believe that in order to be respected they have to be rude, and harsh, think that they must put other women down to prove that they are better. I realize that we are leading you right down this same path that we were led down.

I am sorry. This attitude is wrong. You are beautiful just the way you were made. You don't need a boyfriend, and you certainly don't need a boyfriend that expects you to do anything you don't want to do, and I mean that in everything from dressing/looking/acting a certain way to having sex. You are better than that. You can be a better example to the next generation, than we have been to you. I also apologize to the women of my age and older, that anyone ever made you feel that way, again, it's not true.

Remember that we are all works of God, created in HIS image, knit together by HIS hands, not the world's.

((Hopefully)) On Behalf of all women older than you,

Amanda 

My love letter to all women.

I actually wrote this as a "note" on Facebook over a year ago, but have been thinking about putting it here for some time, so I finally decided I would.

I'm sitting here, on Facebook, avoiding finishing the dishes, browsing around and noticing something pretty scary. Tons, and I mean tons, not just one or two or five, but a whole bunch of beautiful young women-all of them so incredibly amazing people in their own rights-allowing themselves to be treated craptastically by little boys not even worthy of a glance from these amazing women, and I can't help but ask myself why on earth would anyone allow themselves to be treated this way? Why would anyone treat another person this way to begin with?

My heart hurts for all of you, and know that not a single one of you deserve to be treated in the ways that you have. You don't have to put up with boys who behave in those ways, real MEN still exist. I know it feels like just because they aren't here today, or because they all seemed so different, that they don't exist, but trust me, they do. There is a man out there who will love you and care about you, and treat you like you deserve. A man who will talk to you about what's wrong, not switch his relationship status to single with out a word. A man who will love you and your children, not just give you false promises, and then walk out. A man who would never raise a hand to you in anger. A man who would rather spend an evening watching chick flicks, and looking up at the stars than having sex with you, not because he doesn't want to have sex with you, but because he cares about you, himself, and your relationship enough not to throw it away. A man who will only tell you how beautiful, smart, and funny you are, a man who would never even think that you were ugly, stupid, or lazy, and especially wouldn't say it to you, no matter how angry he was. A man who will listen, and talk a situation out with you, not some one who will blow up and yell and not give your side a chance. A man who deserves you.

You all deserve that, each and everyone of you. Please stop settling, stop dealing, stop trying to change them, stop trying to make them love you by being some over sexed up Hollywood fantasy. Start being you. Hold out for someone worthwhile. Respect yourself, and your body enough to BE worth their while. Stop sleeping with every man who calls you beautiful and waits two weeks to have sex with you, and then dumps you, or cheats on you. Stop taking back men who have cheated on you, called you names and treated you like crap. Start respecting yourselves, start saving more of yourselves. Every man you sleep with has a part of you, you've given that to him, you will never be able to get those parts back. How many of those parts do you want to be left when a real man does come along? How many do you hope he has left to share with you?

I know I've gotten a little corny and speechy here, but it's what's on my heart tonight. I sincerely care about each and every one of you I just hope and pray that you beautiful women finally start seeing your worth, start seeing how amazing you are, and how much you deserve.

Love,
Amanda

I thought that it may ((hopefully)) do some good on a larger scale than just my private Facebook page.

A Mother's Love: Choices.

I had the honor and privilege to sit down and have quite an interesting conversation with a woman I have known for many years. This is her story. Her very true, very sobering story. I did change the names and some identifying features to protect the identity of the family. This is the story of a single mom who finds out that she's pregnant, her daughter has been sexually abused, and her baby will not likely make it to term, and the choices she was faced with, and how she handled them.

I was a recently divorced, single mom to one beautiful, 18 month old little girl, Casey Jo. I just found out I was about four weeks pregnant with my second child, it wasn't the ideal situation, I wasn't married, or in a very stable place, this new baby's dad was also my daughter, Casey's baby sitter. It was a complete shock to my system to find out I was pregnant, I had been told for years, even before I had Casey that I would never be able to have children. I had an incredibly rough pregnancy and delivery with Casey, and was told I would never have another child, and so when I found out I was pregnant again I was absolutely shocked. Two days after I found out I was pregnant again I was in the bathroom with Casey, who was potty training at the time, she was sitting on the potty, and chatting away, as she always did. She had only ever been around adults, and always been spoken to like one, so for an eighteen month old had quite the vocabulary. As she was chatting away, playfully and happily, she suddenly asked a question that I will never forget for as long as I live, a question that completely flipped my world upside down. 

"Why do boys pee white?" she asked, innocently, in her broken toddler language, as she looked at the color of her own, I was completely stunned by this question, and no idea where it came from. "What do you mean?" I asked, trying my hardest to maintain composure and a calm, collected demeanor for her. "They pee boogers in your mouth" the universe fell in around me at that moment, their was only one man she had ever been left alone with, her baby sitter, the father of the child I was now carrying. I didn't know what to do, or where to turn. I called my mother immediately and we contacted the police and went from there. It was a long process, and one I hated to have to watch my baby go through. She saw doctor after doctor, and therapist after therapist. I thought I could trust him, he was recommended to me by several people, and very well respected, I had no idea. 

I felt like the worst mother ever, what kind of a parent doesn't realize what is going on in their home? To their baby? This was worse than if he had done it to me. You can ask any mother, we never want to see our child go through any kind of hurt, and will move heaven and earth to protect them. I prayed to God so many times in the weeks and months, and even years after to wake me up from that horrible nightmare, to take away the pain that little girl had gone through, I would take that pain and suffering a hundred times over if I could, I would do anything to spare her that hurt. 

Here I am, single, alone, scared, the mother of a child that has been hurt beyond imagine, and pregnant by the one that inflicted that pain on her. People all around were pressuring me to abort that baby, telling me that "this child will be evil like it's father"  and "do you want to be reminded of what he did to Casey every day?" I didn't know where to turn, I didn't know which way was up. I just wished it would all go away. I decided that I would not abort this child, after all it was just as much me as it was him, I couldn't kill this child anymore than I could  kill Casey. I still didn't know if I would keep the baby, but I had made up my mind not to kill him or her. 

As the pregnancy progressed the doctors told me that I should have an abortion, they told me that IF this baby made it to term, it would be severely brain damaged, and would not live long after birth, and if it did, would have a poor quality of life. They told me that carrying and delivering this baby could kill me, and take away the only parent Casey had.  I thought about abortion a little more, how could I leave my little girl without a mommy? After she had been through so much? But, what would she think of me, as her mother if I killed her sibling? Could I even look at her after murdering her brother or sister? 

No, I couldn't. This baby, though conceived out of wedlock, and with a man that I believe to be pure evil, was still a baby. A baby that didn't ask to be conceived  a baby that did nothing wrong, I couldn't punish this baby. Against the advisement of my doctors and everyone around me, I decided to carry the baby, and deliver it.   Even though we were going through so much with Casey, I knew that it was the right thing to do, I decided not only to let the baby live, but to raise it. 

Three weeks before my due date I went into labor, the baby was breech, and they had to do an emergency C-section. I expected the baby to be born dead, or severely disabled,  but to my amazement my little boy, Micheal Anthony was born screaming his little lungs out, with not a problem to be found, other than of course being born early, he was otherwise healthy.

I fell in love with him immediately, and hoped Casey could too. I let her pick out his name, she wasn't very excited about him, we tried all we could to get her used to the idea, but she would just continue to say that he was bad because his dad was bad. Even at her very young age she recognized that this baby, her brother was a part of the very bad man that had done things to hurt her. She knew that part of him was in her brother. I wondered if I had made the wrong choice for Casey. Not allowing him to live, I have never questioned that choice, but not finding a better family for him. Did I hurt Casey more by keeping Michael? Was it harder on her to have him around? Was I being selfish?

I thought this for a long time, I saw how affected Casey was, I beat myself up over it for the first few years of his life. Then, I noticed as Casey got older she was able to love Michael, she was able to separate him from the evils of his father. She will always have the lasting scars of what that man did to her, even though she is all grown up, and has a family of her own now, I can see that in many ways it still haunts her. I still wish I could take away the pain, the hurt and the tears, I still hold that what he did to her was far worse than if he had done it to me. She is my child, it was my job to protect her. 

I hear so many people say that abortion should be okay for rape and health of the mother. If I had used either of those excuses, and I could have, I know that I wasn't raped, but that pervert hurt my daughter, and Michael is a result of him, that I wouldn't have my beautiful, charismatic  funny, challenging, intelligent son that I adore, and the grandchildren that he has given me. If I would have used either of those excuses, I would have to live with more than the guilt of allowing something awful to happen to my daughter, I would also have to live with the guilt of murdering my child. 

This story brings tears to my eyes. I know this entire family personally, and that makes it even more difficult for me to write this, but I feel it is a story that needed to be written. I think we need more first hand accounts of struggles with choice. So often (and I am guilty as well) we just say "that couldn't happen to me" or "it would be an easy choice, I wouldn't struggle" that's not true. We would struggle, we would wonder, and it would be hard. The thing I think we can all learn from this story is that no matter how bad a situation may seem, God can turn it around. I really think He did, she thought she would die, her child would die, and her daughter would be left without a mom. She and her daughter had to overcome a lot, and they did, and beautifully. The love and the bond of this family is awe-inspiring.

Being Pro-Human

Feminist, radical feminist,anti-feminist, counter-feminist, new feminist...and I'm sure plenty of other terms that I'm not familiar with. You may not be familiar with all of these terms, but I'm pretty sure we're at least all familiar with the feminist movement. Now, before we get into this, and start talking about why I am closer to the support of "new feminism" than any of these other terms, though I really don't like the idea of labeling everyone and separating people into groups. I think that's strange, and not very loving. So, I like to think of myself as simply me, a super awesome person, who is pro-human. I don't think that any group of humans is any better than any other group. That's right folks, the Bible thumping Jesus freak thinks that she is no better, and no less than men, homosexuals, bisexuals, pan or omnisexuals, transgender people, Muslims, Jewish, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Agnostic, Atheist, African, British, Mexican, Canadian, Chinese, Japanese, Maharishi, Baptist, Methodist, rich, poor, young, old, sick, healthy, tall, short, fat, thin, unborn baby humans, and the myriad of other "groups"  I failed to mention. I know that God loves all His children equally, and we are ALL His children, even those that turn from Him, He still loves you, He'll still welcome you into His house, all you gotta do is repent and ask Him into your heart, and trust me, your world will be rocked. So, as a daughter of Christ, it is my duty to love every one of God's creations, period, and I do. Now, just because I love you does that mean I am going to indulge your sinful behavior, and be like "it's cool, man, I love you, but not enough to care if you go to Hell or not." Heck no, I love you so much that I don't want you to go to Hell, I love you so much that, as lovingly as I can, I'm going to try and point out what the Bible says about the behavior you are engaging in. I expect the exact same from you, it's not easy, I've had my faults pointed out, and I'm glad they did it, we all need someone to hold us accountable. Listen, if I saw someone breaking the law, stealing, killing, beating someone, kidnapping, doing drugs, etc. would you expect me to turn a blind eye, or stand up and say something. I would want you to stand up and say something, and the same goes with God's law. I love you, and I love you enough to be able to still love you, but maybe not agree with all of your choices.

Now, stop getting me off track, this post is supposed to be about women, well, feminism to be exact.  In fact, according to my research, the "founding mothers" of feminism were also very pro-human as a whole. In fact, most of them were against abortion and would probably have a fit if they saw how perverted and twisted the feminine movement has become. Mary Wollstonecraft, Susan B. Anthony, and Elizabeth Cady Stanton were completely against abortion because (like me) they saw the value in human life. Ironically, the anti-abortion laws that feminists of today are so against, were a result of advocacy efforts by FEMINISTS! They saw that abortion was not just a "right that all women should have a choice in" but something that  women were pressured  into doing, they didn't see it as a freeing thing, like women of today do, they saw it as oppression. 

Feminists of today are NOT the feminists of the past that sought for equal treatment and respect of women. I feel like today feminism has gone so far beyond the right to vote, and work, and be seen as an equal in society, to more of a feeling of superiority, that women are better than men, and deserve, not equal, but better rights. That men are these horrible, evil creations that should be talked down to, trained, and molded into what women want them to be. That, as women, we have the right to "wear the pants" in our relationships, and any woman who "submits" to her husband is a horribly oppressed person, and men are evil, did I mention that?  Now, I am not at all saying that their aren't women out there who are being oppressed, and abused. And I'm not saying that's okay. Not at all. No person, man, woman, child, or unborn baby deserves to be thought of as less than, abused, forced into something, or have their basic rights stripped away. 

I was a born and raised feminist, I consider myself a "recovering feminist" I was taught to believe that women were superior, that we did not need men to raise children, that all men were exactly alike, users and abusers, and that women were created entirely equal to men. No, women and men, while of equal value and worth, deserving of equal treatment, are created entirely different. Biologically speaking we are very different, even our general nature is different. I see it all the time even in young children, the boys like to protect, while the girls like to seek out help and protection. I'm sure you understand the basic biological differences in men and women, and that I don't have to go into the birds and the bees for you. See, we are not the same as men, we are different. That doesn't make us better, or worse. Just not exactly the same. 

Being a woman is not a bad thing, it's a super awesome, amazing thing! Do you know what our bodies are capable of? We can grow life inside of us, our bodies adjust and change in accordance with what our children need, even after they are born. We are all (men too) such amazing creations, just being created in and of itself is an amazing thing, so many things have to go just perfectly in order for a person to be conceived, it's completely mind blowing when you think about it. I can't even put into words how awesome we are, amazing, it's simply amazing! Just think of the transformation we go through between conception and birth, we start out as forty six chromosomes that contain a mesh of information about who we will be (hair color, eye color, gender and even basic personality traits) at that point we are teeny, tiny, microscopic. In just nine short months we go through all of the "fine tuning" the changes that take us from microscopic to a baby! Even after we're born, the rest of our lives are spent fine tuning who we are, and the amount of growth one human goes through (physical and emotional) from conception to death is just spectacular and amazing. 

I think feminists today seem to miss the amazing wonder that is simply being human. Sometimes I think we are blinded by a cause, and this elitist mentality. Sometimes the things that feminists fight for just boggle my mind. I think that they miss how demeaning and oppressive some of the things they fight for are to women. 

Birth control, first of all, is not a "healthcare" need. Pregnancy is not a disease, and sex is not a requirement. I completely confused by this whole "stay out of my uterus" when it comes to abortion...but, buy me stuff for it type of argument. It makes absolutely no sense to me. Anyway, besides that the fact that it's a group one carcinogen, it has aided in the objectification of women. Seriously. You're on birth control, therefore you can have sex with whomever you want and not worry about the natural consequence of it, and if it fails, that's all on you. Instead of men honoring and respecting our bodies as the amazing things that they are we tell them it's okay not to...and then yell that they don't? Don't worry, I'm just as confused as you are.We've made it the woman's responsibility to make sure SHE doesn't get herself pregnant, what the heck happened to men's accountability? If you are mature enough to have sex, then you are also, by default saying that you are mature enough to live with the consequences. With natural birth control methods (NFP) both parties are involved, and both parties are responsible for the creation, or prevention of a new life.  With hormonal birth control  it's all on the woman, she has to make the appointments, she has to remember to take the pill, or schedule her shot, she has to make sure she's using it correctly, etc. I don't know about you, but that sounds awfully anti-feminist to me.

Abortion, same deal. Most women are pressured into them, whether directly, or indirectly. When I say indirectly I mean with things like "he won't help" "I'll be a single mom" "he's not ready to be a dad" "this isn't what he wants" and the list goes on. I guess I just don't see how these things have become huge feminist platforms when they both seem quite the opposite to me. Fair pay, rights to work, and anti discrimination platforms, I get. This, I don't get. I don't get how you can say that everyone is created equal and then say that you are above someone else, I don't get how you can say that being a housewife is oppressive, but be totally chill with being objectified in these [and other] ways. 

When babies are aborted because of their gender, what gender do you think gets aborted most often? That's right, females, and what do females become? WOMEN! So, let me get this straight, you are all about women's rights, except, of course the women that can't speak for themselves...um, okay? I always hear the question "what if that baby you saved is a future terrorist?" so, let me be the devil's advocate here and turn this around on you, what if that baby girl you just murdered was the future leader of the feminist movement? This is a cause I can see feminists getting behind, no gender based abortions. 

Then we have this whole treat men like crap and then whine when they suck thing going on, what the heck is up with THAT? This is so illogical...and I should know, I did it the first few months of my marriage (see here for a confession of my idiocy) I am lucky that I have a husband who was raised to honor and cherish his wife, period. Even if the woman divorces him, he is still faithful to her (true story about his dad, I may tell it some day) Anyway, I am lucky that I married a man who will put up with my feminist better than him crap, not all men are that awesome. Here's the deal, we're taught that men are wrong and stupid, and that they are of less value than women, I'm not sure why...maybe because we have vaginas and can have babies? Maybe because they've allowed us to treat them that way, and have started acting in accordance with the way we expect them to act? I really don't know, but that's how I was raised, and that's what the media feeds us. It's not true, we've done this to ourselves, as women. 

We've told men they don't have to open doors, so they don't. We've told men we can pay for dinner, so they stop offering. We've told men we don't value our bodies, so they don't either. We've told men we don't need them to raise children, so they don't stick around. Now, I know that we have exceptions to every rule, I know several, and I married one. For the vast majority, this is true. See, we send the message that we don't need these things, and then expect them, and complain when we don't get them. Now, I'm not at all saying that because of the way women act they deserve to be raped or beaten, or treated like crap.

No, those men will always, and have always existed. The difference is they used to be the exception, and are now becoming the rule. I'm saying that if you stand up and say "I value my body, I am worth more than sex, I am a catch, and I deserve a good guy" and then act accordingly, then chances are you are going to attract a man that values your body, a man that wants you for more than sex, a man that know how fantastic you are and a man that will do anything to continue being with you, because you rock. 

But, on the flip side, if you project that you don't care about yourself, if you project that all you are worth is sex, because it's your body and you can have sex with who you want, when you want...then you are going to attract men that want to have sex with you..and, well, that's pretty much it, and then find someone else that wants to do the same as soon as you get boring or figure out that he's an idiot. 

I just don't get it. So, I'll just keep being awesome, and pro-human, I'll keep telling you what I think, and I'll keep being treated awesome by husband, and doing the same for him. To me, saying I am pro-human says that I believe that men, women, children and unborn babies all deserve to be loved and valued, no matter their race, age, gender, religious standing, or political beliefs. I think we should all be more pro-human...that is of course, if you are human, and think you should be treated with respect and dignity and that other humans should be too. 

I don't support-but I love.

I am aware that this will be a controversial post, but I feel I should post it anyway. With the recent controversy over Chick-fil-A's comments on gay marriage as well as the general controversy over the subject, I keep seeing the issue being brought up, and almost every time I see the assumption that just because you say that you are against something means that you hate people that are a certain way or support something, obviously in this case it would be that if you are against gay marriage, then you hate gay people. That is simply not true. I love EVERYONE, I may not agree with everything they do, but I still love them. I figure it is my job to love everyone, and God's job to judge them.

• I don't support abortion-but I love people that have had them. 
• I don't support illegal drug use-but I love people that are/have been addicted to them
• I don't support excessive alcohol use-but I love people that drink in excess, are addicted, or are recovering. 
• I don't support smoking-but I love people that smoke/have smoked.
• I don't support birth control-but I love people that use it.
• I don't support the use of disposable diapers-but I love people that use them, I change them daily, and I love the wee ones that wear them.
• I don't support cursing-but I love people that do, and I do sometimes. 

Just because you don't support a choice, a way of life, a product, a way of thinking, or how someone is/was born, doesn't mean you hate the person.

• I HATE cancer-but I love and support people that have it. 

And, of course:

• I don't support gay marriage-but I love gay people. 

The list could go on and on, just understand that my main point is that just because someone doesn't support or believe in something doesn't mean they don't love or believe in people that do.

Source