Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Dear Baby, we're waiting.

I've shared with you before that I sometimes journal to my future children, when I shared this Christmas letter to my one day baby. I had some time off this morning and was moving some of our baby stuff upstairs, and thinking about who our baby would be, and when we'd meet them, where they would come from, how old they would be, etc. And I wrote this, and decided to share it with you fine people. We have had a few almost adoptions, and some moments where we thought we had a baby growing, but didn't. In each of those times we've jumped the gun and bought baby stuff, just to be left with the pain of an empty uterus, empty arms, and dressers full of baby stuff. The things I picture here are from those moments when we thought we were finally going to be parents. It's all just waiting on our baby to arrive!

My Dearest Child,
Today I was sitting amongst all the things we have for you, and praying for you, and thinking about how very much we love you, and how ready we are to meet you. We've thought you were on your way several times, but it was just false excitement. Those babies all ended up being other people's little miracles, and not ours. I get the feeling you're going to be a little trickster! So many times we thought you were coming to us in one form or another, and it ended up not being you! Each time we got ready for you, we tried not to, we tried to tell ourselves that it may not be you, but every time we got so excited to meet you! We went out and bought things for you each time! You're an enigma to us, dear baby, and a little secret about Mommy and Daddy is that we aren't very good at mysteries and puzzles, and we don't really like not knowing what's going to happen next, truth be told we're both a little impatient. We can't help it, our hearts are just so full of love for you. 

We just want to meet you, and tell you how much we love you. We want to snuggle you, sing to you, nourish you physically and spiritually, we want to watch you grow, kiss your boo boos, teach you about God, love, family, the stars and moon, about friendship and compassion, and maybe even about math, science, history, and reading. We want to share our lives with you. We want to rejoice in your accomplishments, and comfort you in your bad times. We want to rock you to sleep, and chase away your nightmares. We want to see who you become, and love you every step of the way. 

We often wonder about you, what will you look like? Will you come from Mommy's tummy? Will you come from another local mommy's tummy? Will you come from a mommy's tummy in another country? Will we get to feel you grow in my tummy, watch you grow in someone else's, or will we not see you until you make your way into the world? Will we meet you the day you're born, or will you be six weeks, or six years old before we finally get to see you? Will you have Daddy's red hair, Mommy's blue eyes, or be a beautiful diamond shining brightly and differently than the rest of us? Will you like sports like Daddy, books like Mommy, or introduce us to something new? Will you be an early bird or a night owl? Will you be outspoken like Mommy or reserved like Daddy? What will you be when you grow up? 

Whoever you are, whatever you look like, whatever way you come to us, whatever your interests, we love you. We're waiting in great anticipation, and we're ready for you. 

We're ready to change your cloth covered bum:

We're ready to hold you tight, and wear you in a ring sling, mei tai, or wrap:

We're ready to feed you messy foods:

We're ready to tuck you in at night:

We're ready if you're a boy:

Or a girl:

We're ready to take you to church:

We're ready to bundle you up:

Or just let you wear a t-shirt and jeans:

No matter when, or how you come to us, we're ready. We're not ready because of all this stuff we have for you, we're not ready because of all the things we've read. We're ready because of you. All of the love we've grown in our hearts for you over the last several years, all the lessons you've taught us in patience, all the prayers we've said for you. Sweet little one, you have already taught us so much about ourselves, each other, and God. You've strengthened us in ways we didn't know we were weak. You have prepared us for you. And continue to every day. We love you more than words can say, and I know in all this waiting you're showing us to appreciate and cherish life, and most of all YOU, our darling child. 

In great anticipation of you,
Our children have taught us so much about life, love, and God, and they aren't even here yet! We're just continuing to pray, and wait, and grow, and love them more and more all the time! As always, please pray for me, and if you are struggling to conceive as well, know that I pray for you daily. I always lift up all of those trying to conceive and pray that one couple receives their blessing, and that one orphan receives their family! I have faith that one day God will unite us with our child(ren) but until then, we pray.

Linking up at Matrimonial Mondays (I know it's not all that "matrimonial" but children ARE part of a Christ-centered marriage, and I know I'm not the only one longing for children, so I thought it appropriate) 

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