Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I have something you need to know...

What if I told you I experienced the Holy Spirit on a level I never had before? What if I told you I had a moment with Him that made the entire universe stop spinning, and everything dropped away except for me and Him? What if I told you that this encounter with Him made every nerve ending, every hair follicle, every cell in my body come to attention? What if I told you this meeting brought tears to my eyes, and goose bumps to my skin? What if I told you that this was so intense, so personal, so one on one that as soon as it was over I had to look around to see if anyone else had felt it also, and was shocked that no one else looked as I felt? What if I told you that all of that doesn't even begin to touch the intensity of the experience I had?

I had that. I can't even put into words the power that I experienced that day. Of course I can't describe it, "it's" GOD, and HE is indescribable. The closest example I can think of is in the movies when two people realize they are in love, and the entire universe stops, and it's just them. Everything else falls away, and it's just the two of them basking in the amazing wonder that is love. It lasted but a few seconds, but I tell you, time stopped for those few seconds in which God chose to reveal Himself to me.

What if I told you I tried to ignore it? What if I told you I tried to pretend it was my imagination running away with me? What if I told you that no matter how hard I tried, God wouldn't allow me to forget that moment, and what that moment revealed to me? What if I told you that from that moment forward everything I did, and everything I read, did nothing but reinforce what was revealed in that moment?

I mean everything, from a gift I nonchalantly (or so I thought) picked up for a friend, to scriptures that I read, the clothes I wear, and even the causes I support. I couldn't escape what God was trying to get through to me, I felt like He was beating me upside the head with it! Every time I ran, He found me, every time I doubted, He explained.

I know I sound a little crazy here, but if you've felt Him, you know I am not insane. This experience clearly rocked my universe. I don't know why God chooses to reveal what to whom, or why He even cares enough about ME to be so powerfully present in my life, but I do know, He has, and He is. I do know that what I experienced was real, it was powerful, and it was HIS presence.

Now, what if I told you that all of this took place in a Catholic church? What if I told you that all of those changes He made in me, all of those verses He revealed to me, led me to the Catholic church?

Would you still love me and respect me as much as you did before you read that last paragraph? I sure hope so. Because that is exactly what I am telling you. I have been trying for months to find a way to tell you this. I know that this will be a complete and total shock to... well, pretty much all of you. I know this will be hurtful to some of you. I know this will be confusing. I know this will be unsettling, unwelcome, and even unacceptable to some of you. For that I am sorry.

For you I have struggled in how to do this, I have struggled with whether or not to even announce this. I don't want to lose any family or friends. I don't want people to be mad and disappointed. I do not want to hurt anyone, but unfortunately, I know I am.

This is not something I am doing lightly, this is something I have prayed about, and cried about for months. This is something I fought, this is something I researched. I went straight to the sources, I spoke with pastors and priests, I read the Word, I prayed daily. This is something that I am doing with great trepidation.

I will gladly answer any more questions you have. Please just remember that I am still the exact same Amanda I was before you opened this post.  I still love the Lord with all my heart, mind and strength. I am still loud. I am still opinionated. I still believe everything I did 'before'. I am still on fire for God. I am still close to God, in fact, closer. I am still loving  and clumsy, and not as funny as I think I am. I am still me. I'm just asking you to not lose sight of that.

It's just, I'll be all of those things, and Catholic.

15 comments:

  1. I think the only thing that's a little disheartening about this is, that a Christian has to 'convert' to become Catholic (Christian). Otherwise, great! :o)

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    1. I agree, I was a little confused by that at first, but there is just SO much history and things to learn. I am really enjoying it, and feel like it's where I need to be. I've learned so much. A lot of that is dues that I was pretty ignorant of Catholicism until this all began, so I did a ton of independent research, so the RCIA classes have been informative, but not as much as they would have if I hadn't have done any of that research, so they make sense for those that know little about how the Catholic church works. Thank you for being okay with it! I was so worried people were going to be really upset, I had a few bad reactions at first, but now I am pleasantly surprised!

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  2. Welcome home! I will pray for you, and all those who find your conversion difficult to accept. Perhaps they might find it interesting to read a bit of Scott Hahn?

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    1. Thank you! It's so nice to have some support! One of the first books I read when considering converting was Scott Hahn's Rome Sweet Home. That's a great suggestion! I really like his writing. I'll have to suggest him to people. I have gotten several negative reactions, and they hurt, but I kind of expected that...I just didn't expect it to be this painful. I know I'm headed where God wants me, so this is just part of my walk.

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  3. Welcome home! I am a convert as well, after an amazing experience with Christ's Real Presence in the Eucharist on Holy Thursday seven years ago. I know it can be tough to tell people you're crossing the Tiber, and some people just don't or won't understand, but it is so completely, amazingly worth it.

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    1. Thank you! I have such a hunger for the Eucharist! That was one of the first things God revealed to me after this initial experience. I was just reading my Bible and then "this is" jumped off the page at me, and I was like "whoa, I can have CHRIST living in ME" What a beautiful, amazing Gift!

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  4. Just as a point of clarification from a Catholic canon lawyer (who entered the Catholic Church from the Anglican Communion as an adult), people who are already Christians are NOT converts! The Church explicitly states that that language is not to be used, because one's "converts" into a relationship with Christ (i.e., becomes a Christian). A Christian is received into the full communion of the Catholic Church, into which he/she already was in imperfect communion by way of baptism.

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    1. thanks. that makes more sense.

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  5. Welcome home! You are in my prayers.

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  6. It is an awesome experience to be led by the Spirit. When Jesus says, "take up your cross and follow me" he means it. We never know where it will lead. Welcome Home!! Jesus meant it when he said "eat my flesh and drink my blood". When you go up to receive, it really is a marriage proposal. He is giving Himself completely to you and you to Him. You are united in one flesh.

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    1. Thank you! I am currently working on a post about what I realized about the Eucharist! Check back in a day or so for that! =)

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  7. Welcome home. I made the journey almost 6 years ago. With all respect to the CCC, I have and still do call myself a convert. The gap between then and now is too large and the change too intense to call it just... I don't know, maybe "continuing in a different place". The language, the culture, the belief is different. The important thing is that I am not calling our separated brothers and sisters non-Christians. In my new Catholic life, I have left off only reading the menu and have brought the menu in to the banquet and sat down at the table. And it's a big table, a huge party. Welcome home.

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  8. I'm happy for you Amanda. I had a similar experience at a Joyce Meyer conference. For several days after the conference the presence of the Holy Spirit was so real. I could almost "feel" His arms around me every where I went I was conscience of His presence. It is hard to express the feeling. Our God is an awesome God.

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Thanks for stopping by! I'd love to hear your thoughts...seriously, I get so excited when I get comments! =)