What if I told you I experienced the Holy Spirit on a level I never had before? What if I told you I had a moment with Him that made the entire universe stop spinning, and everything dropped away except for me and Him? What if I told you that this encounter with Him made every nerve ending, every hair follicle, every cell in my body come to attention? What if I told you this meeting brought tears to my eyes, and goose bumps to my skin? What if I told you that this was so intense, so personal, so one on one that as soon as it was over I had to look around to see if anyone else had felt it also, and was shocked that no one else looked as I felt? What if I told you that all of that doesn't even begin to touch the intensity of the experience I had?
I had that. I can't even put into words the power that I experienced that day. Of course I can't describe it, "it's" GOD, and HE is indescribable. The closest example I can think of is in the movies when two people realize they are in love, and the entire universe stops, and it's just them. Everything else falls away, and it's just the two of them basking in the amazing wonder that is love. It lasted but a few seconds, but I tell you, time stopped for those few seconds in which God chose to reveal Himself to me.
What if I told you I tried to ignore it? What if I told you I tried to pretend it was my imagination running away with me? What if I told you that no matter how hard I tried, God wouldn't allow me to forget that moment, and what that moment revealed to me? What if I told you that from that moment forward everything I did, and everything I read, did nothing but reinforce what was revealed in that moment?
I mean everything, from a gift I nonchalantly (or so I thought) picked up for a friend, to scriptures that I read, the clothes I wear, and even the causes I support. I couldn't escape what God was trying to get through to me, I felt like He was beating me upside the head with it! Every time I ran, He found me, every time I doubted, He explained.
I know I sound a little crazy here, but if you've felt Him, you know I am not insane. This experience clearly rocked my universe. I don't know why God chooses to reveal what to whom, or why He even cares enough about ME to be so powerfully present in my life, but I do know, He has, and He is. I do know that what I experienced was real, it was powerful, and it was HIS presence.
Now, what if I told you that all of this took place in a Catholic church? What if I told you that all of those changes He made in me, all of those verses He revealed to me, led me to the Catholic church?
Would you still love me and respect me as much as you did before you read that last paragraph? I sure hope so. Because that is exactly what I am telling you. I have been trying for months to find a way to tell you this. I know that this will be a complete and total shock to... well, pretty much all of you. I know this will be hurtful to some of you. I know this will be confusing. I know this will be unsettling, unwelcome, and even unacceptable to some of you. For that I am sorry.
For you I have struggled in how to do this, I have struggled with whether or not to even announce this. I don't want to lose any family or friends. I don't want people to be mad and disappointed. I do not want to hurt anyone, but unfortunately, I know I am.
This is not something I am doing lightly, this is something I have prayed about, and cried about for months. This is something I fought, this is something I researched. I went straight to the sources, I spoke with pastors and priests, I read the Word, I prayed daily. This is something that I am doing with great trepidation.
I will gladly answer any more questions you have. Please just remember that I am still the exact same Amanda I was before you opened this post. I still love the Lord with all my heart, mind and strength. I am still loud. I am still opinionated. I still believe everything I did 'before'. I am still on fire for God. I am still close to God, in fact, closer. I am still loving and clumsy, and not as funny as I think I am. I am still me. I'm just asking you to not lose sight of that.
It's just, I'll be all of those things, and Catholic.