Friday, May 3, 2013

What a woman REALLY means...

Have you seen one of these ridiculous things before?

Of course you have. Do they make you want to punch your computer screen regularly? They do me. It's exasperating, I tell you. I have been trying to de-program my husband from this ridiculous garbage since we got married.

This type of baloney is exactly why marriages and relationships constantly fail: LACK OF COMMUNICATION.

Is it THAT hard to comprehend? If you want a relationship to work, you have to have open and honest communication, or it's going to fail miserably. I am not just yelling at you, I'm yelling at us, too. We've fallen into this, of course we have. And those have been some of the very worst moments in our marriage. We entered into our marriage with the understanding that we would have honest and open communication-even if that honesty hurt. Of course, we've had occasion where one or the other has kept something from the other, we're human, we're steeped in this kind of garbage just as much as anyone else. 

Do you want to know what the big issue was the few times that one of has kept something from the other? It wasn't hurt at the thing being kept hidden-each time it was something upsetting, sure...but not anywhere near as hurtful as finding out the person you love and care about, the person you have vowed to spend the rest of forever with had lied to you, or didn't trust you enough to tell you the whole truth. That's always the most painful part. I know that these six things seem pretty harmless, but they aren't. They're gateway omissions.

You start saying "I'm fine" instead of "I'm not at all fine, what you said really hurt me" "nothing is bothering me" instead of "THIS is bothering me"  "go ahead" instead of "I'd really prefer you not" "Whatever" instead of "I'm not done discussing this" "that's ok" instead of "that really upsets me and I'm not at all okay with it" or "wow" instead of "I can't believe you did that." 

When we start hiding our true thoughts and emotions from our husbands it becomes really easy to hide other things from them. When we start covering our feelings like this, and expect them to magically be able to read our minds and know the truth, it just hurts us and upsets us more when they don't. We sulk and let it all pile up, and instead of just saying what we're honestly experiencing we cover it with these garbage lines and then get mad when they don't see thru it. 

I am an honest person, I will generally tell you what's on my mind ((you're shocked, I know)) obviously, I have a bit of tact and keep some thoughts private, but never anything that is vital, or will cause problems, and don't keep things from Tom...well, that's not entirely true. There are only two things that I find acceptable to hide from my husband: what he's getting for Christmas, and where I keep the cookies that magically appear in his lunch box in the mornings. 

Anything beyond that and it causes tension, hurt feelings, and arguments. When we are communicating honestly with each other we sure do argue a lot less. Because we know and respect the other's reaction. When I say I'm fine, I'm fine. If I'm not I'll tell you, and I'm super sick of STILL getting questioned on this fact sometimes because of garbage posts like that above photo. I feel like I'm deprogramming him. It's so annoying that so many women  and men find it acceptable to hide things from their spouses, things from as small as the above to things like these:  
((From eshaming-some on the site are pretty graphic, I found it by way of someone on Facebook))

I know that you're all smart enough to see the issues in these. Lying about expenses, lying about speeding tickets, putting on a front for your husband. NO! Repeat after me; "I will not lie to my spouse, I will answer honestly when asked how I am feeling, I will be open about all the money I spend, I will share with them my lead foot, my hatred of shaving, my angst at making the bed, and anything else I have been keeping from them. A good marriage can not last when built on a foundation of lies!" 

I want to see less photos like the above, and more like these: 

Stop hiding things from your spouses, no matter how big, or how small! Stop clogging up my newsfeed with garbage that suggests all women are liars, and all marriages are full of secrets and half truths. Start loving your spouse as yourself, start clogging up my newsfeed with empowering things, and start making positive confessions! These are a few of mine, what are yours? 


  1. I have to admit I fit right in with the 5 deadly terms many times, however I am quite honest a lot too.


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