How I've evolved as a wife.

Yes, this is from my wedding-the
groom's cake, it's a LONG story.

I was folding towels today and thinking about when we were first married, and Tom was so sweet, he folded all of the towels without being asked. And then like the big, ungrateful meanie I am, I went through and refolded every single towel, and grumbled the entire time about how I want them folded in thirds, I mean, how DARE he fold them the way he was taught! That poor man, I didn't say thank you, I didn't show any appreciation, I just stalked about and whined about how he didn't do it MY way...umm, hello idiot, he did it to be NICE, you didn't ask him to, he just did it to show you he loves you! I was so silly...okay, I can still be silly like that...but never like that, not anymore. I made my husband feel like crap for doing a sweet thing, and I made him feel like an idiot for not folding the towels the "right" way, I made him not want to do anything for me...and the poor man hasn't folded another towel...in three years! I scarred my husband for life, over towels!

TOWELS for heaven's sake. I'm embarrassed to even tell you how petty I was. I remembered what gave me fuel for that fire, I went Facebook to voice my annoyance with my new spouse over folding the towels in halves and not thirds, and I was backed up by nearly every married or living together female on my friend list, any sitcom I watched would tell me that my annoyance was totally justified. I didn't feel the least bit bad over my tantrum and selfishness for several months.

My mom was married a few times growing up, and none of those relationships were very stable, my grandma has never been married, and my dad and his family were a few hundred miles away, so i have never seen the way that a relationship should work, I've only seen fighting, arguing, violence, and been taught that women are superior, we don't need men, kids don't need dads, and men are simply stupid...except for the three that happened to have born into our family.

As you can probably tell, I had no clue what the heck I was doing, and I was almost positive that my marriage wouldn't last beyond a year...I mean, seriously, everyone in my family told me it was going to happen, everything in society told me it was inevitable, even though my relationship was stable and full of love, everything I knew, and had seen told me that marriages don't last.

About a year or so later we had delved deeper into our faith and who we are as Christians and people and I started to realize that it wasn't God's desire for my husband and I to break the bond that He had made, now, I need to clarify, I never WANTED a divorce, I never thought CONSCIOUSLY going into my marriage that it would end, I wanted a forever, and expected a forever, and I thought I knew what I was talking about, but looking back now, I can see that I never really believed that the way I do now. And, honestly it probably wouldn't have lasted very long if I had continued behaving the way I was.

Anyway, we're about a year into our marriage, and trying to conceive, and digging deeper into our faith, and my husband is still helpful, forgiving, giving, selfless, loving, caring, and just wonderful. He's still doing little helpful things that I don't ask him to (but never the towels) and I'm still a jerk. I've seen worse, but now I am better. Women were constantly telling me that they wished their husbands did the special little extras for them, opened doors, loved them as obviously as Tom does me, and every time I would smile politely and say "yeah, he's pretty great!" but then on the inside I would think something snarky about how he could be better. It was around this time that I noticed that although he was still doing awesome, above and beyond type things, but not as many, or as often.

Something in my head said "yeah, well, what are YOU doing to show him YOUR appreciation? You don't even THANK the man!" Holy cow! My entire universe fell in around me that night, I was the selfish one, I was the one that could do better, I was why we argued, I was an ungrateful BRAT. That night I sat down and bawled, and I asked God for forgiveness, and then when Tom got home, I apologized, I said thank you, and I begged for his forgiveness.

Since that day I've learned what really makes a marriage work: give and take. I can't just expect to sit on my pedestal and get spoiled to pieces without doing some spoiling in return. I'm not saying that my marriage is perfect, or that I'm wife of the year material, but I am saying that I have made a conscious effort to go above and beyond in showing him that I love and appreciate him, and in return I have a husband who is happy to come home to his wife, is willing to help with dishes, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, laundry((not towels-this has not been discussed since that day, just something I've noticed)) or anything else that needs done. A husband that gladly rubs my feet, takes out the trash every week, and opens doors for me.

I have learned to say thank you, even if it isn't just how I would do it, who cares if the towels are folded in half? I have learned to truly and honestly, wholeheartedly  appreciate the amazing gift that God has given me, and I have learned to do nice things for him too, and that while I appreciate foot rubs, not having to cook, and a swept floor, he appreciates when I make his lunches, write him little love letters and leave them in his lunch bag, and make his favorite treat just because.

So, the next time your spouse doesn't take the trash out the second you ask, folds the towels in halves and not thirds, or doesn't do dishes in the same order that you would, stop and think. Stop and thank them for doing it in the first place, and remember that many people aren't as lucky. It doesn't have to be perfect, just remember that it came from a place of love, nothing but pure love, and honestly, I'd rather he do something not quite perfect for me out of love, than something completely perfect out of anger and frustration.

Your annoyance may not be as simple as towel folding, you may be far less petty than I, but I'm just trying to say, before you get mad, stop and think, and say thank you, or just let it roll off your back.

Again, neither of us are perfect, but we've I've come a long way.

A note and some cookies I left in his lunchbox.
Yes, I'm aware I have the worst handwriting EVER. 

Linking up with:

Matrimonial Mondays